New Species Identified. Please meet: The Israeli Macho

Years and years ago I remember picking up a book in a dentist's office called How to be a Jewish Mother.  It was written with tongue wedged firmly in cheek and it started with the disclaimer that you needn't be either Jewish or a mother to be a "Jewish Mother."  You could be a Scottish lorry driver as long as you fit the pattern.  Not high culture admittedly, but it did the job of keeping my mind off the impending root canal as I waited.


With that as context please meet another specimen in the same genus, The Israeli Macho (macho macho israeliensis).  Although m. israeliensis  was identified roughly sixty years ago it didn't become clear that is really was a separate species of macho until recently (zoologists have very arcane rules for this sort of thing and I'm no expert on how the process works.  By the way, and individual does not necessarily have to be either Israeli or male to be classified as m. israeliensis, although it certainly helps.


It used to be that m/ israeliensis was a simple species to identify, even in the wild without those helpful little signs that zoo keepers and TV news producers sometimes provide.  To wit, it used to be a male, 50 years of age or more, in politics, and retired with senior rank from the military.  Quietly observing the macho in his natural environment one could usually hear at least some of his very distinct calls, the most popular of them went something like "...we will pursue these animals/terrorists/saboteurs/criminals to the end of the world if need be, and if they are already dead we will pursue them into the jaws of hell, just so that we may do justice on them again."  I'm very bad at imitating the calls that animals make in the wild and even worse at transliterating them but you get the idea.  Some variations on the call: "No price is too high for security."  "We are the Sparta of the modern age."  "We are tough, we are smart and clever, you can't hide from us."  "Ice and iron flow through our veins."  Yada, yada, nada.


Nowadays, m. israeliensis is a little harder to identify.  For one, it's often a woman, for another, they've learned how to mask their call to mimic that of the common diplomat (legatus vulgaris).  So now we get former Foreign Minister (and current opposition leader) Tzipi Livni chiming in with, "terror must be fought with force" despite the fact that she's a woman, and Culture Minister Limor Livnat contributing this jewel, "We will strike with all our might, so that no one doubts us. Israel's well-known detterance capabilities will prevail once again." 


So much easier when they went around threatening to kill people they disliked.  Wait, wait, they still do. Speaking about the recent wave of terrorist attacks Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu said, We killed the leaders of the organization that sent the terrorists. But that is only the first response.”  Not to be left behind, Defense Minister Ehud Barak--m. israeliensis extraordinaire-- actually threatened decapitation.  This paragon of clear and rational thought informed us that "the chances are very high that his (the attack's planner) head will be separated from his body."


M. Israeliensis's natural environment is the government campus centered on the Knesset (parliament).  This presents another problem in identifying him (her? it?).  The place is lousy with a related species, the Member of the Knesset (Clitellata-Hirudinae).  The problem for the amateur zoologist is that the macho can disguise itself as an MK as it stalks its prey.  Did I mention that Macho is a predator?  It is, it stalks reporters and eats ratings.


A few days ago, some of our neighbors from Gaza went psycho and decided that killing a family of Israelis on their way to a beach holiday sounded like really good sport.  A couple of other psychopaths decided that this would be a wonderful opportunity to bomb civilian targets.  These were cowardly attacks that no sane country in the world would allow to go unpunished.


These are acts are murder, especially heinous in being indiscriminate, almost random.  I understand and agree that they also have a symbolic aspect.  They are a provocation to Israel, trying to goad it into doing something stupid.  They are a challenge to its sovereignty and to its security.  Clearly they demand a reaction that is larger than just capturing the men that committed the crime and bringing them to justice (although I would be very happy if we could accomplish that at least).  Last week's murders are all these things and more; what they are not is grist for the mill of posturing politicians eager to feed their hunger for exposure.


I'm all for bio-diversity and preservation, but I'll make an exception in this case.  I wouldn't share a tear if macho macho israeliensis were to go the way of the dodo.